Smyrna

I was supposed to write about my exhaustion yesterday. I was exhausted physically and emotionally. I went to Antipolo last Sunday with my cwts 2 classmates. We visited some workers in a metal and jewelry factory. The ride was tiring, in itself, because we rode a jeepney all the way to Antipolo. It was difficult to breathe because of the smog. The clogging of my airways must have aggravated my sense of exhaustion. That was the physical aspect. It was easily warded off by coffee in Gloria Jean's with my blockmate, Trish.

The emotional aspect was more complex because I couldn't pinpoint where it had come from. All of a sudden, a wave of emotional distress engulfed me. After Antipolo, Trish and I managed to go to DCBC. I was just in time for the Music Team's practice session. Jac was the song leader for that particular Sunday. Halfway through the session, Trish had to say good-bye. After seeing her off, I went back to the School of Statistics.

There was a certain atmosphere of tension inside the room. It had been there since last Sunday. And somehow, I couldn't take it and ignore it. It was just so immense. I wasn't sure if I was the only one who felt it since everybody seemed happy anyway. All I could do was just to lay my head on a plastic armchair and listen. Occassionally, I took down important notes which I thought I could share to the kids from Kalay I did Bible study with.

The topic was the letter to the church in Smyrna found in the book of Revelation. What was interesting about the church was that its name came from the word 'myrrh.' And this substance was present in Jesus' birth, crucifixion and death. Pastor Jong said that the more the substance was crushed, the more the aroma came out. In the same way, the church in Smyrna was 'crushed' because of the domination of emperor worship, pagan worship and the persecuting Jews. The believers were oppressed and yet no condemnation was said about them in the letter. The more they were crushed, the more their faith grew.

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As I write this blog entry now, I am rebuked. In the exhaustion I had experienced, I did not turn to God immediately. Instead, I complained to Him once more. And I even became cranky. I lost my temper easily. One of my mentors once told me that it was my destiny to become a counselor and that my greatest task was to listen to people. I think he's right. But in the state I was in yesterday, I had this for a complaint: how come nobody listens to me?

And I had God's answer: How come you're not turning to Me?