a thirst for discipline

one of the phrases which most of my friends really don't understand.
why would anybody thirst for discipline?


i got this phrase from a song by Starfield entitled, "Cry in My Heart." the title is pretty cheesy but i like the lyrics and especially this phrase, for reasons which i will state later and which you will hopefully understand.





in my understanding, discipline equals rules. and with discipline, rules aren't just rules. discipline requires you to follow those rules - no matter what. why would anybody want to be bound - as in shackled, imprisoned and tortured - by rules?



most of the people i know - usually younger people (not just by age but by maturity) - hate, as in abhor, rules. they want to be nonconformists, to be 'innovators,' to break the chains of uniformity. i was once like that. i had lived in a house that permitted that kind of freedom. the freedom to express myself, the freedom to go against what is being stated, the freedom to have it my own way. and whenever i tell some friends that i did not like the experience of basking in such freedom for 10 years of my life, they usually don't understand why.




isn't it more exciting to have it your own way? they ask. and in my mind of minds, i ask, is it?



in living in a house of freedom for almost half of my life, i've had the lamentable experience of having to go through certain pitfalls because nobody warned me against them. i've had to experience firsthand deciding which was right and which felt right. often i fell for the things which "felt right" because i lacked the wisdom to accept that they were wrong. i've had to find my own way and most of the time, i've had to find ways out. i've had to shield myself against these storms because nobody did that for me. i actually felt like a stray cat that was abandoned by its mother to die on the street. but i did survive, grow up and learn ... on my own.




having freedom with someone guiding you is one thing. being left alone to fend for yourself - in the pretense of 'freedom' - is another.





but don't get me wrong. i believe that too much conformity is just as bad as too much lenience. now, what bothers me is this permissiveness that permeates our society. it's often described in ambiguous terms like 'democracy' and 'postmodernism.' people don't understand - or refuse to understand - the wisdom of limitations anymore. this is probably because those who make the limitations - the rules - aren't really credible, those who discipline the people are actually very abusive and selfish. when you come to think of it, nobody's really that trustworthy these days. and i'm talking about people. we, people, have a certain drive to be selfish - whether we admit it or realize it or not. we want what feels good. and we want it now. and sadly, grabbing what we want is very much welcome in this world ... actually.




now, unless one is willing to be guided by Somebody who is wise enough to put enough barriers around the person protected, there will always be cries like that which is stated in the song.




There's a cry in my heart for Your glory to fall
for Your presence to fill up my senses.
There's a yearning again, a thirst for discipline,
a hunger for things that are deeper.
Could You take me beyond?
Could You carry me through?
If I opened my heart, could I go there with You?
For I've been here before, yet I know there's still more.
Oh, Lord, I need to know You.




i think asking God for His guidance is one of the ways by which we can know Him better. when He gives us guidance, often it's a painful shackling of the natural self - the natural drive to have it our own way. i may be using jargons like 'natural self' or 'natural drive' and it may prove to be a difficult or boring read because of this. i would like to apologize, but i just couldn't find any other words to describe these things.





and after all that i've said, my point is, i chose this song, because it expresses this yearning in me and i think in some people - no matter how cheesy the lyrics may be, no matter how pop-ish the arrangement, no matter how dull whatever is - this yearning to know God better. really... if you have better songs in mind, i'd gladly hear them. what's important to me most of the time is what is being said in a song.


sorry, i like being anticlimactic.